If I could be your first real Heartache
by katesque
Summary: Set directly after the end of 4.13. A Lit. If I could be your first real heartache, I would do it over again. He loves her. How does she react? What will happen? Ooh!
1. Until the Day I Die

**A/N – **Hey guys. This is my first fan-fic. It starts directly after the end of _Nag Hammadi Is Where They Found the Gnostic Gospels. _I've tried to keep it as true to the show as I can. However, lets just pretend Nicole and Jason don't exist. (There will be some JJ later.) And songs and movies that are mentioned in here may have been released after the show came out. Just to clear up any confusion that may have occurred ;)

Oh, this is also dedicated to the awesome **Starcastic** who encouraged me to write this. Don't forget to check out her lit fic "_Surprise, Surprise_."

**Disclaimer – **I don't own Gilmore Girls, as much as I'd like to. Nor do I have any rights to the song _Until the Day I Die – Story Of the Year_.

**- Chapter One -**

**- Until the Day I Die -**

Rory stood there for what felt like an eternity. It was only five seconds. But to her, time had stopped.

Around her townsfolk were enjoying the festivities, completely oblivious to her, and the WWII scale war of emotion that was going on in her head.

If her thoughts and emotions were turned into sound, it would sound like one thousand different radio's, playing one thousand different stations, all becoming louder and louder, trying to make themselves heard over the roar of the rest.

She blinked. It was the first movement she made since Jess drove past her. Since he left. Again.

He loves her. He actually said it out loud. I. Love. You.

It wasn't one of the thousands of scenario's she had imagined. This was the real thing.

She was happy, angry, sad, heartbroken, frustrated, and oh-so confused. It was as if every emotion she ever felt towards Jess was battling it out inside of her. She started to feel a little dizzy, and sat down on the curb, putting her head in her hands, and started to cry.

Just then Kirk walked past, walkie-talkie in hand. He saw Rory sitting on the curb.

"Hey! You! No loitering on the curb! We need to keep these footpaths clear," he said.

Rory didn't acknowledge his presence. She was too wrapped up in her own inner turmoil to even consider that there was still a festival going on behind her.

Kirk spoke into his walkie-talkie, "This is Bird Dog One to Bird Dog Two, requesting back up. There is a loiterer on the footpath. Over."

Just then Lorelai made her way through the crowd. "Rory! Honey! I got us Hot Dogs, and Candy Floss, and lots and lots of coffee!"

She stopped when she saw Rory with her head in her hands. "Sweetie, are you alright? Did Kirk yell at you? Because mommy will kill him if you want?"

Rory lifted her head up. "He loves me," she said, wiping her eyes.

Lorelai, obviously puzzled asked "Who? Kirk? That's just creepy!"

"No! Not Kirk. Jess. Jess loves me."

"Jess, as in Jess-Jess? The Jess? James Dean Wanna-Be Jess?"

"Yes. The Jess." Rory confirmed, letting out a sob.

Lorelai put down all the food as she sat on the curb next to her daughter, gathering her into her arms.

"Aww, baby, do you wanna talk about this?"

"Not really," Rory sniffed, "Not just yet at least. Can we go home now?"

"Sure sweets, lets go."

Lorelai stood up, lifting Rory with her, and picked the food up. Putting one arm around her shoulders, the duo headed towards home, for a night of good, old fashioned wallowing.

**xxx**

Jess pulled over just before the 'Farewell from Stars Hollow' sign. He left his engine on, listening to the song that was playing on the radio.

_Until the day I die_

_I'll spill my heart for you, for you_

_Until the day I die _

_I'll spill my heart for you _

_As years go by_

_I race the clock with you_

_But if you died right now_

_You know that I'd die to_

_I'd die too_

_You remind me of the times_

_When I knew who I was (When I knew who I was)_

_But still the second hand will catch us_

_Like it always does._

_Well make the same mistakes_

_I'll take the fall for you_

_I hope you need this now_

_Cause' I know I still do._

_Until the day I die (Until the day I die)_

_I'll spill my heart for you_

_Until the day I die (Until the day I die)_

_I'll spill my heart for you _

_Should I bite my tongue?_

_Until blood soaks my shirt._

_We'll never fall apart_

_So tell me why this hurts so much_

_My hands are at your throat_

_And I think I hate you_

_But still we'll say, "remember when"_

_Just like we always do, just like we always do_

_Until the day I die (Until the day I die)_

_I'll spill my heart for you_

_Until the day I die (Until the day I die)_

_I'll spill my heart for you _

_Yeah I'd spill my heart!_

_Yeah I'd spill my heart, for you!_

_My hands are at your throat,_

_And I think I hate you_

_We made the same mistakes _

_Mistakes like friends do,_

_My hands are at your throat_

_And I think I hate you_

_We made the same mistakes._

_Until the day I die _

_I'll spill my heart for you, for you_

_Until the day I die (Until the day I die)_

_I'll spill my heart for you, for you_

_Until the day I die (Until the day I die)_

_I'll spill my heart for you _

_Until the day I die (Until the day I die)_

_Until the day I die!_

He reflected over the events of the last ten minutes, thinking how appropriate this song was for him right now.

Did he really tell Rory Gilmore that he loves her? The girl he hasn't been able to stop thinking about since he first met her? The girl he could never forget?

He did. He told her that he loves her. The words he never managed to say while they were together.

What madness drove him to say that? Why did he tell her now? She probably has a new boyfriend.

"Idiot!" He said out loud, to no one in particular. "You're a freaking IDIOT!"

'I should have stayed. I should have listened to what she had to say.' he thought. 'I should have stayed to at least find out whether she loves me.'

He leant forward, resting his head on the steering wheel. Inhaling deeply, he thought to himself 'Well Mariano, you gotta know one way or the other.'

He put his indicator on, and pulled out onto the road again, only to make a U-Turn, back to Stars Hollow. Back to the town he hates. Back the to girl he loves.

**xxx**

Lorelai sat on the couch, deep in thought. Rory had gone to bed an hour ago after admitting that there was a very high possibility that yes, she probably did love Jess right back.

Lorelai hated the fact that **that** boy, the boy who had broken her daughters heart already, had so much control over her emotions.

She really did think Rory was over him. That she was moving on.

However, that was obviously not the case. The start of a plan was forming in her head. She knew Rory at least needed to have some closure. And she knew how to get it for her.

She picked up the phone and dialled a number she had known off by heart for years.

"Luke's, we're closed."

"Luke, its Lorelai, we need to have a talk about that nephew of yours."

**A/N **– So, did you guys like it? Review and let me know. Constructive criticism will be very much appreciated )


	2. Cursed, or Blessed?

**A/N** – Hey guys! Thank you so much for the reviews! I was bouncing up and down in my seat for hours because of them! I'm sorry this took so long. I finished it last night, but the computer crashed, and I thought I had saved it, but there was an error with it. Le sigh. Needless to say, I had to re write it all today.

**Disclaimer** – Don't own it. (

- **Chapter 2** -

- **Cursed, or blessed?** -

Luke was coming out from behind the counter in the diner to lock the front door, when the phone rang.

He sighed as he answered it, "Luke's, we're closed."

He was about to hang it up when a voice on the other end stopped him.

"Luke, its Lorelai, we need to have a talk about that nephew of yours."

"What has he done this time?" He asked calmly. There was almost nothing that could shock him when it came to Jess.

"Well, he saw Rory tonight when she was getting burgers, she saw him too then ran off, he followed her right through the town square, then she finally stopped, and he told her he loved her, then ran off to his car and left."

"He - he what?" This, however, was one of the few things that could shock him. "He actually said that he loves her? My nephew Jess?"

"No, Taylor's nephew Jess. Who do you think?"

"Taylor has a nephew called Jess?"

"LUKE!"

"Okay! So, what do you want me to do about this?"

"Where is he?"

"What?"

"Where is Jess? What's his phone number? Where can I find the little punk?"

"Lorelai, I'm not giving you his number."

"Well his address then?"

"You'd go to New York to see him?"

"New York! Ha! There's a start. Come on, spit out the rest of it."

"Lorelai! What makes you think I - Hold on a second."

The bell on the door had just rung. Luke turned around to see who had walked in. He almost dropped the phone.

"Jess?"

"Jess is there?" Said Lorelai.

"Hold on." Luke said into the phone. "Look, I'm gonna have to call you back. Don't come over. Please. I'm gonna have a talk to him."

"Fine. Bye."

"So Jess," Luke began as he hung up the phone. "What are you doing back so soon? Do you miss me sticking my nose in other peoples business and trying to help them already, or have you come to tell the rest of Stars Hollow you're in love with them?"

"So Lorelai told you." Replied Jess.

"Yeah, Lorelai told me. Are you here to do more damage or what? You must have upset her pretty bad for Lorelai to get so worked up about it."

"Yeah, well it was better than leaving it for eight years and not saying anything to her."

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

"You and Lorelai. The fact that you're head over heels for her, and have been forever. You just don't have the guts to tell her."

"That's not true!" cried Luke. "And don't bring me into this. This is your screw up!"

"Screw up? I told Rory that I love her. And now I just – I just need to know if.."

"If what Jess? If she's still pining over you?"

"No! I mean, maybe, I guess. No. No, I need to know if she loves me. If she ever loved me."

"Jess.."

"No, Luke, please, let me do this. I promise to get the hell out of here as soon as I know."

"And what if she still loves you?"

Jess took a deep breath in and stared at the ground.

Luke prompted him, "Well? You can't just take off again. You can't break her heart again Jess. Its really not fair on her!"

"Then I'll stick around, if she wants me to. And if you'll let me." Jess replied, eyes still downcast.

"So you want to come live here again, with me? After the way you've spoken to me?"

Jess looked up from the ground and straight at Luke. "Please Luke."

Luke sighed for the second time that night. "If you stay, and that's a huge if, you will live strictly by my rules, you will do exactly as I say. There will be no arguments whatsoever, because my word will be final, you hear me?"

"Well she hasn't said anything yet, has she? She will probably tell me to go away, and never come back."

"If she has any sense, then I imagine she will. Till then go put your stuff upstairs and try and get some sleep. You're helping me open in the morning."

"Aye, aye." Jess responded dully. He walked over to the stairs that lead to the apartment above. A small voice in his head was saying, 'Idiot, idiot, idiot. What have you just gotten yourself into? You know you're going to regret this.'

He sighed as he ascended the aforementioned staircase.

He knew he was probably making a big mistake, but it was too late to back out now.

He walked into the apartment, pulling a book out of his back pocket, heading towards the bed. He opened it as he lay down, and began to read.

**xxx**

Before he knew it he was asleep. Dreaming the same dream that had haunted him for the last year. He would find himself walking through nothingness, when suddenly, dead ahead of him a girl with shoulder length straight brown hair would materialise.

She always had her back to him. He knew it was her, but he also knew he could never reach her, and never get her to turn around.

The dream plagued him during his waking hours too. He would find himself walking down the street when he would see the back of a girl with hair the same as Rory's, and he would stop in his tracks and just stare. He knew it was stupid. But he couldn't help it.

He thought himself a man cursed. But he was also a man blessed. He just didn't know this yet.

**A/N** – So, you like? Tell me all about it. ;)


	3. Pro's, Con's, and Floodgates?

**A/N **– Thank you for all the fabulous reviews everyone!

This chapter is again dedicated to **Starcastic** as a birthday present :o) – Happy Birthday!

**Disclaimer** – I own a guinea pig named Polly. I don't own the Gilmore Girls.

And yes, while I own a copy of _Oliver Twist_, I don't own any rights to it or anything, full credit to Dickens. ;)

**- Chapter Three -**

**- Pro's, Con's, and Floodgates? -**

Rory woke up just after sunrise. The golden rays danced through her window painting everything they met a cheerful glowing orange colour.

She lay there for a moment, appreciating the beauty of it. She felt warm and content.

Alas, the moment passed too soon. She sighed as the floodgates that held back the memory of the previous night were opened.

She briefly considered making a pro-con list to help her decide whether to leave it, or try and find him and tell him how she feels too.

Rubbing the sleep out of her eyes she got up and walked to the bathroom. 'Pro, he will know how I feel about him.' She thought, turning on the shower, and starting to get undressed.

'Con, he most probably will just leave me again.' She was now standing under the hot beads of water with her eyes closed, letting it run over her face, and down her neck, rinsing off all the negative emotion from the day before.

'Pro, I might finally get closure.' She turned off the shower and proceeded to dry herself.

'Con, if I see him again, I might not be able to let go.' She brushed her teeth and got dressed.

It was at this point she realised if she was going to think seriously about this, she would need some coffee in her system, and only Luke's would do. She grabbed a copy of Oliver Twist from her bookshelf, hoping to catch up on some reading while she was at the diner.

She went upstairs and left a post-it note on her mothers forehead that simply said "Luke's", then walked back downstairs, out the door, and off to the diner.

**XXX**

She entered with her eyes downcast, heading over to the counter. Luke came over to take her order.

"Hey Rory, you ok?" He asked.

"I guess mom spoke to you last night?" She replied.

"Yeah, you are alright about all of this though, right?"

"I'm fine. Really."

Luke thought she was handling all of this a little too well. Something seemed wrong. He thought Lorelai would have warned Rory that Jess was back.

"Okay then, what can I get you?"

"Blueberry pancakes, French toast, and lots of coffee, please."

"Sure thing." He poured he some coffee and then disappeared into the kitchen.

Rory pulled out Oliver Twist, almost draining her coffee in one gulp, desperate for the caffeine to kick in.

"_Among other public buildings in a certain town, which for many reasons it will be prudent to refrain from mentioning, and to which I will assign no fictitious name, there is one anciently common to most towns, great or small – "_

"Refill?' A familiar male voice asked.

Rory's heart stopped beating for a second. Her breath caught in her throat, and she started to feel butterflies in her stomach.

It was the very same voice that said, "I love you" to her last night.

For a second she felt like running out of there. Running back home so she could curl up in a little ball on her bed and cry her heart out again.

But she knew she had to be mature about this, and instead she looked up, directly into his eyes, unable to suppress a little gasp at the sight of him. "Oh, um, sure. Yes. A refill would be good. Thank you."

He was staring intently at her. "You're welcome."

It took everything he had not to break his gaze. She was the first to look away.

He walked away to serve other customers, and she looked down at her coffee.

Luke came out of the kitchen carrying Rory's order.

"Here you go. Blueberry Pancakes, French Toast, and I see you've got more coffee?"

"Yeah, Luke, on second thoughts, can I get all this to go? There is some where I should be right now."

"Sure." He replied, looking pointedly at Jess who shrugged back at him.

He packed it up for Rory and gave it to her.

"Thanks Luke," she mumbled, and then left.

Jess saw the book she left on the counter. He picked it up. "Huh" he said aloud. He looked over at Luke, who nodded and said, "Be back in an hour."

**XXX**

Jess walked through town to the bridge. He was ninety-nine percent sure he'd find her there.

And sure enough, there she was. Sitting with her legs hanging over the edge of the bridge, her bag of food next to her, obviously forgotten about.

As he got closer he noticed she was crying.

" – Ror?" He began, somewhat hesitantly.

She looked up at him, shocked, and wiped her eyes, then looked back down, focussing on the brown soggy leaf that was floating in the water before her.

"You forgot your book." He tried again.

"Oh, well, thank you for bringing it to me. You can go now."

"You don't want to talk?"

"What is there to talk about? I left my book behind, you brought it to me."

"I'm not talking about the book Rory."

"What, you want to tell me you love me, and then run off? Again? You know, you're very good at that. Running away. Someone should give you an award or something. Perhaps a big novelty check."

"Don't be like this!"

"Like what? Angry? Upset? Hurt? Why can't I be like that? After what you've done to me I have every right to be like that!"

"I'm sorry! Okay? I screwed up big time. I should have done things differently. But I didn't. And I'm sorry."

By now Rory was crying even harder than before. Tears were spilling and forming like there was no tomorrow. She hid her face in her hands.

"Rory," Jess started. "Please don't cry. I'm sorry that I've treated you badly. I'm sorry that I didn't call. I'm sorry that I didn't say goodbye. But I'm not sorry about what I said last night. Okay? I do - " He faltered. It took almost everything he had to say it last night. He wasn't sure he could say it again now.

She looked up at him, wiping away the tears again.

He looked at the ground, then back up to her eyes. "I do love you."

Rory almost couldn't believe her ears. Twice in less than twenty-four hours. What had gotten into him?

"I see." She said coldly. Immediately giving herself a mental kick in the backside. 'Rory! You complete idiot! Just say it. You love Jess. He's right there. Tell him. Now.'

"Well. Here's your book. I'm sorry to have disturbed you miss." He said, matching her cool response, disappointed at her reply, or rather, lack thereof.

He handed her the book and walked away, fighting the urge to punch a nearby tree.

Meanwhile, Rory sat at the bridge, her sobs renewed, still mentally kicking herself.

The saying 'The road to true love is never easy' could not have been more fitting in this situation, even if it were to become a spandex jumpsuit.

**A/N –** Yay! Longest chapter yet! I'll update with chapter 4 when I get 5 reviews. ;)


	4. Should I Stay, or Should I Go?

**A/N** – Sorry about the delay. I get swept up in a whole heap of stuff. I have chapter 5 all planned out, so hopefully I can write it when I get home from work tonight.

**Disclaimer** – I own two mobile phones, one with pictures of Milo as my wallpaper. Sadly, that's the closest I'm ever going to get to owning Gilmore Girls. /3

**- Chapter Four -**

**- Should I Stay or Should I Go? -**

Lorelai awoke to the sound of a slamming door, loud footsteps, and another slamming door. She felt something stuck to her forehead and pulled off a post it note that read "Luke's".

She put two and two together, the slamming doors, and the post-it note.

Rory must have seen Jess.

She climbed out of bed and got dressed quickly, than walked downstairs to her daughter's room.

"Rory?" She called softly as she knocked on the door. All she heard was a muffled sob in reply.

"I'm coming in, so now would be a good time to hide all your drug paraphernalia." She joked, opening the door.

Rory was curled up in a little ball on her bed crying.

"Honey, are you okay? What happened?" Lorelai asked, rubbing her daughters back gently.

"He's still here. He said it again. And I couldn't say it back."

"Jess said he love's you again?"

"Yeah."

"Why couldn't you say it back?"

"At first it was because I wanted to hurt him like he hurt me, and then I just froze up, and I couldn't have said it back even if my life depended on it."

"Aw, honey!"

"I really wanted to tell him! And now he is going to leave thinking that I absolutely hate him, and I'll never see him again, and, and –" She stopped talking because she was interrupted by fresh sobs rising up out of her chest.

Lorelai didn't say anything, not wanting to disturb Rory's train of thought. She knew it was best for her to get it all out of her system.

"And I'm really hungry. I left my food on the bridge." Rory finished when the sobbing had subsided.

"Now that just won't do! Do you want me to go get you something from Luke's?"

"Yes please." Rory replied, wiping the last of the tears from her eyes.

"Gah! I hate being like this! I'm not the kind of girl who cries over boys."

"I know sweetie." Lorelai agreed. "What do you want me to get you for breakfast?" She continued.

"Blueberry Pancakes, French toast, and lots and lots of coffee."

"You got it. I'll be back soon."

XXX 

Rory climbed off her bed when she heard the front door close and went into the bathroom. She got a flannel from the cupboard and ran it under the cold tap.

She looked into the mirror and saw her tearstained face briefly before she wiped it with the cold flannel. She held it over her eyes, a feeling akin to relaxation coming over her.

After standing there for about five minutes with the flannel over her eyes she took it off, and brushed her hair, briefly considering putting on mascara, but figured there was a very high chance that she would burst into tears again before the day was over.

She went back into her room and snuggled up on her bed with her copy of Oliver Twist and continued reading.

XXX 

Meanwhile, Lorelai had just opened the door to the diner, yelling "Luke!" as she did so.

"I didn't do anything! You were meant to warn her!" He cried in defence.

"I'm not here about that. Even though part of me wants to kick Jess's butt from here to next Friday, food is currently more important."

"Uh, well, ok." Stuttered a confused Luke. "What'll it be then?"

Lorelai sat at the counter and listed everything she wanted to Luke, including, of course, a heck of a lot of coffee.

Luke walked into the kitchen to make Lorelai's order just as the diner door opened.

Jess walked straight towards the stairs that led to the apartment above. Just as he reached the counter Luke came out of the kitchen.

"Where do you think you're going? Your hour is up!" He asked Jess.

"Huh." Jess replied, in his typical fashion.

"You live here, you abide by my rules. My rules happen to include you helping me out at the diner. And would ya look at that, you're in the diner. I need help. Start clearing those tables."

"Well it looks like I'm not gonna be living here now anyway. She hates me. There's no point."

"What, you're leaving again?"

"I'll be outta your way by tomorrow morning." Jess finished, storming up the stairs and into the apartment.

He hated that she didn't love him, he hated that he was too late, he hated himself, because it was his own entire fault.

He grabbed a CD and put it in the stereo, and soon "Should I Stay Or Should I Go" by The Clash started blasting through the apartment.

He sighed in frustration, for the second time in twenty-four hour's a song that was totally perfect for his situation was playing.

He got up and changed the song. He really did not want to listen to that song right now. Instead, he skipped the track and "The Guns At Brixton" started playing.

He grabbed a book out of his bag and sat down on the couch reading.

XXX 

"Food!" Lorelai proclaimed loudly as she entered through the front door of the house.

Rory marked her page in Oliver Twist and put the book down on her nightstand, walking out into the kitchen to meet her mother.

"Yuuuum! Pancakes!" Rory exclaimed as she opened the box containing the food.

"So, I saw Jess at the diner." Lorelai casually began.

"Oh –"

"He was pretty upset you know. He's going to leave tomorrow. So if you want to tell him anything I'd advise you do so soon."

"Okay. I'll keep that in mind."

They ate in silence for a while.

"Well, I had better go get my stuff ready cause I've gotta go back to Yale tonight." Rory said, heading towards her room.

"Yeah sure." Replied Lorelai.

**XXX**

Rory had packed all her gear and put it in the boot of her car. She gave Lorelai and hug and kiss goodbye and got into her car and pulled out of the driveway.

She decided to drive past the diner on her way out of town.

Jess was sitting at one of the tables reading.

She cursed as the only stop light in town turned red. She knew she would be waiting for a while.

She looked in the window while she was waiting, just as he looked up from the book he was reading. They looked at each other, eyes staring each other down.

There was definitely a moment shared between them.

A moment so strong that it made Rory grab her cell phone out of her bag and dialled the number for Luke's Diner.

Jess walked over to the phone when it rung, eyes still on Rory in her car.

"Luke's" he answered, knowing it was Rory.

"Jess. I – "

"You? You what?"

"I do love you too."

He was so shocked he nearly dropped the phone. The line went dead. Rory had hung up, the light had turned green, and in typical Rory fashion she was running away.

**A/N** – Sorry if it seems a bit rushed. I wanted to get it up before I left to go to work. If you think it needs it I'll edit it later. I'll update again when I get 10 reviews. (Since I got that many last time ;P)


	5. I Will Follow You Into The Dark

**A/N – Hey guys! Been awhile, huh? About 6 months, in fact. I've got no real excuse for it so apologies all around. Thanks for all your feedback, it kept me encouraged even if I did slack off. Anyhoo. Without further adieu, here is the long awaited chapter five!**

**DISCLAIMER**: Nope. Not mine. It theirs. Fat lot of good they've done for it too. -sigh- -- also, song name belongs to Death Cab For Cutie. :

**Chapter Five -**

**- I Will Follow You Into The Dark -**

Rory's week at Yale passed in a quick blur of Russian literature, and economics. Her mind was on Jess the whole week. She was too scared to call him.

'Too scared to find out he's gone and left again.' She corrected herself.

When her last class for the week finished on Friday afternoon she walked back to her dorm, and deposited her books on her desk.

There were no classes next Monday, making it a long weekend, in honour of some fantastic past Yale professor, who's name Rory couldn't remember even if her life depended on it.

Normally, of course, she would have. Only, as we already know, dear readers, her mind was in another place all week. Back, in Stars Hollow. Where he was.

Maybe. Hopefully.

She was scared. Scared to find he had gone. Scared to find he found another Shane. Scared of what may, or may not happen between the two of them now.

Regardless of this fear, however, Rory knew that if she didn't go back and find out this weekend, it would only get worse.

Back to Stars Hollow it was. Picking up a bag full of various things she would need for the weekend, she walked out to the main room, and wrote on the white board -

"_Gone home for the weekend, will be back Monday afternoon – Rory"_

**XXX**

Jess had decided to stay in Stars Hollow. He didn't know when Rory would be back next, but he did know he would have to be there when she got back.

As much as he hated to talk about his feelings and other personal things like that, this was one time where he would have to grow up, and sort this whole thing out for once.

There was something between the two of them. Always drawn back to each other.

His week was spent in the diner, taking orders, cleaning tables, being gossiped about, and receiving nasty glares from Taylor.

When Friday afternoon finally rolled around, he was so jittery with butterflies that he started to feel a little sick and dizzy.

Every time he heard the bell on the door ring, he would look towards the door, full of hope, yet completely petrified.

When the diner finally hit a lull around four he grabbed a book out of his his back pocket and started reading, determined not to look up when the bell over the door rang from then on.

_- "One Sunday morning Squealer announced that the hens, who had just come into lay again, must surrender their eggs." -_

His body tensed when he heard the jingle of the bells, but stayed true to his resolution. He would not look up.

_- "Napoleon had accepted, through Whymper, a contract for four hundred eggs a week. The price of these would pay for enough grain and meal to keep the farm going till summer came on and conditions were easier." -_

Someone had sat at the stool directly in front of him.

"So, Animal Farm huh?" Said the someone in front of him, nervously.

He looked up. His insides were doing complete flip-flops. It was Rory.

"Yeah." was his monosyllabic reply. He decided to expand a little. "Feeling in an Orwell kinda mood today."

"Huh.. So.. " Rory started. Jess looked up and caught her eye. He knew she was just as nervous as he was. This was hard for both of them.

"Ugh! This is silly, and frustrating, and immature! We need to talk. There, I said it! You and I, need to talk, soon.. please?" She blurted out, gesturing to the space between them.

"Well what are you doing tonight? Any family commitments?"

"No, Grandpa is out of town for business, and Grandma has some D.A.R event she can't miss."

"And Lorelai?"

"Will understand."

"Huh. Well. I have another hour left, so I'll meet you at the bridge around five?"

"Okay. Good. Five is good, bridge at five. I'll be there."

"How long do you think we'll be? I can bring some food if you like"

"Yes. Food, food at five, at the bridge. Great! Coffee too, please?"

Jess looked directly at her, smirking a little, "As you wish."

Rory smiled at him, and slid off her stool and made her way to the door.

When he heard the ring of the bells, signaliing her exit, he smiled to himself.

**XXX**

Forty-five minutes later Rory was in her room, grabbing her coat, and a book. As she scanned her shelves her eyes fell on "Nineteen Eighty-Four - George Orwell"

She picked it up and put it in her bag, realising Jess wasn't the only one in an Orwell kind of mood today.

Grabbing her bag, and shrugging her coat on she went out into the lounge and grabbed a post-it and a pen.

_"Mom, I'm at the bridge. Will be back later. xx"_

Sticking it on the top of the cordless phone, she made her way to the front door. Grasping the handle with her free hand she drew in a deep breath.

"It's now or never, Gilmore." She mumbled to herself.

She turned the handle and stepped onto the porch closing the door behind her. She made her way down the porch steps and onto her front lawn.

The walk to the bridge was a short one, and before she knew it, she was on the dirt path going through the trees. Glancing up she saw her turn-off about 10 feet ahead.

Holding her breath as she turned the corner, she saw him sitting there, reading a book, legs dangling over the side of the aging wood. She didn't know whether to breathe a sigh of relief or not.

She took a tentative step foward, now on the bridge. Jess heard the sound, and felt the soft thud. He didn't look up; instead his eyes paused at one particular word on the page as if it was the most interesting thing he had ever seen.

Reaching him, she sat down.

"So, I see you bought food.." She started hestiantly.

"Well I've learnt from past expeirence its never wise to deprive a hungry Gilmore girl of her food."

"A wise man indeed."

"I try."

At this, Rory looked up to find Jess staring intently at her.

"So, we didn't come here to make small talk about your eating habits, as interesting and somewhat terrifying as they are." Jess stated, raising his eyebrow slightly at her.

"Yeah, I guess we didn't. So. Lets talk" She put her hands in her pocket feeling slightly insecure and looked back down into the water. She began doubting doing this in the first place. Was it really wise to bring up the past like this? Dredge up all those memories which she had tried hard to bury and forget? Looking up at Jess again, having him here in such close proximity. Hell, having him in Stars Hollow, was enough to do that already. No. Talking had to help in some way.

"Well," He prompted her in a gentle voice.

"Why did you leave Jess? Was it me? Was it something I did? Was it something I didn't do?" There they were. The words she had been wanting to ask him since he left all those months ago.

Exhaling loudly Jess put his book down and turned towards her. He knew this would be hard. But he had to do it.

"I'm gonna be completely honest here, but you have to hear me out fully before you respond, okay? Because what I'm gonna say could sound bad."

Rory's stomach filled with butterflies. The horrible kind, when you're about to become privy to something you didn't really want to hear in the first place. She swallowed, ignoring the lump that had suddenly formed in her throat, and nodded. "Okay, I agree."

"It was partially you." She looked up at this. "I was failing highschool, Rory. That's why I couldn't take you to the prom. They were going to make me repeat the year. Luke was gonna kick me out. And there you were, the beautiful, perfect town princess off to Yale, after a summer in Europe. Don't get me wrong. I was head over heels for you; you were the one good thing in my life. But I couldn't bring you down with me. As much as I hated myself for leaving you like that, I would have hated myself more for dumping all that on you, right then. Right when you had all this awesome stuff ahead of you. I couldn't do that to you.."

"Oh.. But you could have.. It would have been okay Jess!"

"No! It wouldn't have! I didn't wanna go back to that school. Besides, Jimmy made an appearance around then."

"Jimmy..?"

"My father."

"Oh wow. So thats why you chose to go to California?"

"Yeah"

Rory giggled a little bit at this, "You know, that must have been a funny sight. You in your leather jacket in sunny California."

"There were a few strange looks thrown my way."

"So, why are you back?"

"At first it was to get my car off Luke. Turns out he was the one who stole my car. And to collect the rest of my books and stuff. And to be completely honest, to see you. I wanted to find out if you had moved on. If you were back with Dean.. that sort of thing. I didn't really plan on meeting with you face to face though."

"Oh, oh okay."

"So have you?"

"Have I?"

"Moved on? Your mom said you had."

"She did? She would have been saying that out of anger. There hasn't been anyone else. How about you?"

"No."

"Huh." Rory said, with a smile playing at the corner of her lips.

"And now, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, its time for, The Million Dollar Question." Jess said sarcastically, then changed to a serious tone. "What do we do now?"

"Are you planning to actually stick around?" Rory enquired.

"Stars Hollow.. Maybe not. But locally, yeah. If there's a reason for me too."

"Define what would count as a reason." Rory said, inching closer to Jess, catching his eye.

He moved closer too, a smirk beginning to appear.

They were mere centimeters apart. Her eyes flickered momentarily to his lips.

"This." He said simply, before advancing the last few centimeters and kissing her.

Rory responded, and brought her hand up to his cheek. He pulled away resting his forehead against hers.

"Hey that's cold!"

"Shh!" She replied, with a smile on her face.

She moved to kiss him again, and their lips met. It felt like sparks were flying. She was tingling all over.

Everything was going to be okay.

**A/N – Ahh. A weak ending, but do not fret. There will be more to come. : R&R xx**


End file.
